In My Eyes & Lizzie's Shadow
by Az
Summary: Depression sweeps over Miranda in her first year of high school, when Gordo offers his sympathy, will she take it? And if she does, what will come next? Happiness? Love? Or even more depression?
1. Introduction

-In My Eyes & In Lizzie's Shadow-

[A/N]: The Lizzie McGuire movie never happened… yet, the kiss on picture day did. This takes place in their freshman year. I hope you like it. I have a feeling that this is going to be a great story. Ive been thinking up the plot for a month now.

Summary: Miranda has yet to find love. She feels as though she is in Lizzie's shadow at the highest. When Gordo offers his sympathy will she take it the wrong way? Or does Gordo mean it in that way?

-Introduction-

It seems like everything has changed since middle school. Everybody's true inner self all of a sudden _emerged_; whatever that means. 

The _average _kids became popular, the _nerds_ got makeovers, the _preps _became preppier, and most of the _popular_ became normals.

It seemed as though everyone has a place where they belonged. Everyone went to school to impress; impress something or someone that wasn't even there.

High school changed people. It made people think they _had_ to stand out... be different from the rest. Everyone was his or her own person. But me, I was… the same. I hadn't changed since Jr. High; I still had my own look, personality, friends, no relationship, and most of all, I was still standing in Lizzie's shadow.

…………………………

Did you like it? Plz r&R. 


	2. Fake

****

Chapter 1

****

[A/N]: I realized that my story is kind of like the song "Naked" by Avril Lavigne. Hmm… Well, anyways, I hope you like the beginning of my story. Please review. If it goes well, I will update a lot sooner than my usual stories.

****

-Chapter 1-

My life kind of resembles the beginning part of 'Naked' by Avril Lavigne. You know the part that says, 

I wake up in the Morning 

Put on my face

The ones that gonna get me threw another day

Doesn't really matter how I feel inside

Cuz life is like a game sometimes.

It was like that every day. I woke up, got dressed, ate breakfast, went to school, acted like someone I wasn't, didn't pay attention, then came home and sat in my room. 

I thought in that small place; that's all I ever did was think in there. I thought often about when my life would change. When I would have someone to talk to about my inner feelings. Someone more than a friend. Someone I could trust, like, love. Someone that would be there and make me feel good about myself.

But for now, I was stuck by myself, alone with no one to talk to. In a way, I got use to this harsh feeling of loneliness. I don't really have my two best friends anymore; I mean, they're there, they still call and come over, but it's not the same. Ever since the summer of eighth grade when I was in Mexico and my two best friends in California, its like everything altered between the three of us. Lizzie and Gordo seem to be way more interested in _each other _than they are in me. 

Its like I lost my best friends. Most of the time, I feel left out. I feel like im lost in my own little world... a world full of sadness and depression. 

I don't understand it all. _Why _do I feel like this every single day? As though, I don't belong?

……………………………..

What did you think? I know the Chapters are short, but please review.


	3. Without Trust, I'm Nothing

****

Chapter 2

****

[A/N]: I have a feeling that this story is going to be good. Each chapter is going to be short, because I know I hate it when the chapters are really long; It just makes you want to stop in the middle of the chapter and don't finish it. But I will update sooner than normal fics. Also, if I'm skipping from subject to subject, don't mind me. I know what I'm doing…

**__**

-Chapter 2-

If only someone knew what goes through my mind; the pain I feel when I know I'm unwanted… when I know people refer to me as Lizzie's friend even though they _know_ my name… or the fact that I go home everyday feeling like crap… or even that I cry myself to sleep, wishing I was in a different world surrounded by love. Love, what exactly _is _love? I wouldn't know; I've never experienced it. I'm too scared to trust anyone or let someone love me. That's another thing; I'm afraid to trust. I don't even trust my best friends… not even my family. 

I remember one day at school I wasn't putting on the front like I normally do, so I was looking a little down; nobody noticed except Gordo. He repeatedly asked me what was wrong; all I did was shrug and say nothing, not wanting him to know what was running through my mind. After five minutes of trying to figure out why I looked as though someone had just died, Gordo finally gave up. But he said something to me that made me think. He told me, "Miranda, you have to open up and trust someone."

Okay, maybe that's not the best advice Gordo has given me, but when he told me that, it was like this little trigger went off; that's when I realized that if I couldn't even trust my best friend anymore, then there must be something really wrong with me. 

To everyone else, I'm the same Miranda that they've known me to be. But I've changed, a lot… mind wise. Most of the time, I hate to think; I mean about what's going on around me. Because I know every time I do, I always think negative about things and become in a deeper state of depression… further than I am now, if that's what it is. But when I come home from school, its like im forced in my room. I don't want to be around my family, so what else is there to do besides think? Exactly, nada… nothing…zip. I don't know, some times I find myself daydreaming about how I wish my life could be. How pathetic huh? It actually makes matters worse. But how worse could my life get?

I know that they say in life, there's nothing to loose, that's true, because with me, I've already lost everything.

…………………

Ya like? Good? Bad? Happy? Sad? Confused yet? Plz r&R


	4. Wake Up In The Morning, Put On My Face

****

[A/N]: I hate when that happens; I spend my time writing and writing this good story… then post it and it doesn't get any reviews. Its like my inspiration for writing is gone. Maybe I shouldn't continue this story.

**__**

-Chapter 3-

I woke up at 5AM this morning, a Monday, with millions of things racing across my mind. I hate it when my mind does that. I couldn't go back to bed. You're probably thinking, _'with all of the thinking you do, what's left to think about'_. Oh, it's amazing how my mind works… It never stops thinking. If it did, I would probably be happier. 

There was something about the things I thought about this morning that seemed to hit me harder than it has ever done before. Because when my alarm clock went off at 7:30AM, my pillow was soaked with tears. No, this wasn't _that_ unusual, but it was the fact that I couldn't _stop _crying. _Why _was I crying? I can't really explain.

It was like tear after tear fell down my cheek; no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop. This morning was the morning I needed someone the most, but in every direction I looked, no one was there. All I could think was _'whats happening to me? I wasn't like this the year before.' _

Nothing was clear to me. After a while, I didn't remember _what_ I was crying for. Around 7:45AM I decided to get up and get dressed for school. I threw anything on; I already looked like crap, whats a little crappier going to hurt? As I walked downstairs and to the front door, my mom stopped me. "Whats wrong mija?"

"Umm… nothing, I'm fine; just a little tired." I looked straight into her eyes and _lied. _She looked at me as though she knew I was hiding something.

"Are you sure?" She asked for the second time; yet this time, I couldn't lie to her. 

"Mom, I'm going to miss the bus… I have to go." I didn't even wait for her to reply, I just walked out the door before she started to _really_ suspect something. From then on, I knew I wasn't going to be able to put on a front today like I normally did. 

………………………………......

Ya like? Good? Bad? Happy? Sad? Confused yet? Plz r&R


	5. And You See Right Through Me

****

[A/N]: Thank you for the reviews. Also, I want to make something clear. The first few chapters are based on what's running through Miranda's mind. I felt that I had to express her feelings in order to let the readers understand what she's going threw. There is going to be a lot of action in this story and not just Miranda thinking. I have to drag this story out so that it won't look as though it is rushed. I hope you like it though. Please review.

****

Chapter 4

When I got to school I didn't bother to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. I was thankful that nobody asked what was wrong; then again, why would they? They don't care. At lunch, I was too down to eat so I watched Lizzie and Gordo flirt. I don't get those two; they don't go out, nor have they ever been anything other than friends. I couldn't stand to be around them any longer. I got up from the table and walked inside the school heading to the restroom. 

By the time I was near the water fountain, I heard Gordo call my name. I turned around to see him jogging towards me in the empty hall. I didn't speak; I figured he was going to pretend like he cared and try to have sympathy for me. I leaned up against the wall by the restroom door, not speaking.

"Miranda, is something bothering you?" What makes you think that is what I wanted to say but I kept quiet. Gordo stood in front of me staring at me with a look of concern on his face; either he was doing a great job at acting, or he really cared. "Miranda, whats up with you? You've been really down lately." What does he mean by I've been down lately? How could he tell? I thought I was putting on a really good front. It hurt as I stared at Gordo, not being able to trust him enough… the boy I've known practically my whole life. It hurt so much that I began to cry; I did this too often… although it didn't help anything. 

"I'm… fine." I had to say something. It was pretty obvious that I was lying considering that I was crying my heart out and could barley speak. Gordo wrapped his arms around my weak body. I guess this is what I needed the whole time.

"Miranda, you can trust me." It felt good to know that Gordo really cared, and was there for me. I let him hold me in his arms as I cried on his shoulder. I wanted him to be the one I could trust. As hard as I tried to open up to him, I couldn't. After a few seconds I didn't feel right allowing someone to have sympathy for me. I pushed away, still crying. 

"Miranda please, I love you. You're my best friend; I don't want to see you like this." I didn't want to hear that. I don't like the word love any more. I turned around and headed into the restroom, leaving Gordo to stand there and wonder.

"So, what's up with Miranda? She okay?" Lizzie picked up a French-fry and shoved it into her mouth.

  
"I'm not sure." Gordo sat down next to Lizzie in a daze. It was like now _he _had a million things running threw _his_ mind.

………………….…………............

A little longer. How was it? Happy? Sad? Good? Bad? Confused yet? Plz r&R.


	6. Tomorrow It May Change

****

[A/N]: Im writing these chapters pretty fast… four chapters in less than an hour and a half. Just to let some of you know, Lizzie is out of character because like I said at the beginning of the story 'some of the normals became popular'…. Lizzie is one of the normals that became popular… changing her whole attitude. Yet she didn't drop her old friends. Some advice, If you listen to Naked by Avril Lavigne while reading the story… it will make it better.

**__**

-Chapter 5-

When I sat in class, in the corner of my eye, I saw Gordo looking at me. It was like he was scared to take his eyes off of me, thinking if he did, I would get hurt. But it was already too late to _not_ get hurt. I turned around and stared straight at Gordo. He kept watching me as though he wanted so badly to help me. I just gave off a small smirk and turned around. How fake was that? It didn't really matter. I was just trying to make him stop worrying about me, if that's what he was doing. I wanted to get threw the rest of the school day… go home… maybe get some rest.

Instead of paying attention in class, I tried to remember every second at lunch when Gordo hugged me. Then it came to me that my feelings were just like another part of "Naked" by Avril Lavigne. 

__

But then you came around me  


The walls just disappeared  


Nothing to surround me  


And keep me from my fears  


When Gordo hugged me, I felt safe; Like nothing could harm me. But at the same time I felt scared. 

The last period was finally over. As the bell rang, I got out of my seat about to walk to the door, when Lizzie stopped me. "Miranda, wait. I want to tell you something. I know you're probably having a hard time trusting Gordo and me with whatever's bothering you, but I want you to know that whatever it is, we're here. If you want to talk, I'm right here, and don't forget that okay?" She gave me a slight hug. 

It didn't feel like Gordo's for some reason. But Lizzie somewhat understood what's was going on… not as much as Gordo seemed to though. I would have never expected Lizzie to say what she said, just because of the fact that what she said is what the _old _Lizzie would have said, not the _new and improved_ Lizzie.

I didn't say anything except give off that same small fake smirk and walked out the door. 

"Lizzie?" Gordo and Lizzie walked down the hall going to the buses.

"What?" Lizzie continued to walk, although Gordo had stopped when he said her name.

"I'm worried about Miranda." At this, Lizzie paused and turned around.

"I am too. I mean, I don't know what to say, tomorrow… its a different day. Maybe tomorrow she'll be okay. Hey, that rhymed."

Gordo just looked at Lizzie and rolled his eyes. "I think I'm going to go over to Miranda's house a little later to talk to her."

"Should I come?" They started walking again.

"I think I'm going to go alone. Maybe its for the best."

Gordo wanted to talk to Miranda by himself. He felt as though maybe he could relate more to her than Lizzie.

"Okay, whatever." 

………………………………..................

Little longer. Ya like? Good? Bad? Happy? Sad? Confused yet? Plz r&R.


	7. By My Side

****

[A/N]: For everyone that hates short chapters, the next chapter will be longer. I should be finished with this fic by Tuesday. Hope you are enjoying it so far. And remember to review please.

**__**

-Chapter 6-

Finally I was home. Home, what was so _great _about home at this moment? Nothing really, except for the fact that I didn't have to be at school listening to Lizzie's fake sympathy. Maybe it wasn't fake… I don't know; it was just weird when she decided to _care _all of a sudden_. _She was one of the ones that changed while entering high school. She became popular… yet, she didn't act as bad as Kate used to. 

I ran up stairs where I bumped into my mom. "Hey, whats the hurry? How was your day at school?" 

"It was okay." I said trying to rush the conversation so I could go in my room and do nothing.

"Just okay huh?" I could tell she wanted to talk to me, seeing as though we haven't had a real conversation since I entered 9th grade.

"Pretty much." I didn't want to look in her eyes as I talked because I knew as soon as I did, I would start to feel bad again for ignoring her for 5 months straight.

She looked intently at me looking as though she wanted to talk to me more. "You know, instead of you staying in your room _all_ day long, on Saturday, do you want to go shopping?"

I had forgot how nice she was. This was the first time I looked at her in this way in a _long_ time. "Yeah, I guess." I also gave her a fake smile and hurried to my room. As I settled down on my bed, I took out my headsets. I started listening to Avril Lavigne's 'Too Much To Ask. The reason why I listen to Avril so much is because it seems as though I can relate to most of the words in her songs. 

__

*It's the first time I ever felt this lonely 

*I wish someone could cure this pain

*Its funny when you think its gonna work out-

My singing was cut off by a knock at the door. I got up and walked over to door opening it. I would have never thought he would be here. 

………………………………..............

A little longer. Ya like? Good? Bad? Happy? Sad? Confused yet? Plz r&R.


	8. It's Not Supposed To Hurt This Way

****

[A/N]: I'm uploading as fast as I can because I have so many ideas flowing through my mind at the moment. This chapter is longer! Please review. 

****

Contest (Guess That Tune): If you can guess what song this is from, e-mail me at sup3r_manz_gurli@yahoo.com and I will add you into the story in the later chapters: _"Its not supposed to hurt this way. I need you, I need you, more and more each day."_

****

-Chapter 7-

"Uhh… hey. Your mom told me to come up. Are you busy?" It was so nice of him to come over. But at the same time, I was wishing he would go.

"No, come in." I opened the door wider for Gordo, and then shut it. I walked towards my bed and motioned for him to sit down as I did the same. 

"Why are you here?" I didn't mean to sound so unkind, but I did.

"I came to see how you were doing." He came all the way over my house to see if I was okay, when he could have just _called_? He's such a good friend.

"Well, I'm fine. Thanks for checking on me." I had a depressing tone in my voice. There was no way possible that I could tell Gordo what has been going through my mind for the last five months; I just couldn't. 

"Is…" I looked up at Gordo and stared in his eyes as he stuttered. "Is… everything okay?" Why did he look so concerned? It was like I was harming myself the way his facial expression was.

"As far as what?" Once again, I didn't mean to sound smart, but I did. 

"As far as your life, school, lifestyle…anything and everything." As I continued to look at him I felt terrible for making him worry so much. I didn't like to see Gordo like this as much as he didn't like to see _me_ like I am. All I had to tell him was '_I'm alright now'_, and give him one of my famous unrealistic smiles, then maybe he could stop worrying so much. But I couldn't. 

I searched hard for those three simple words, but I couldn't find them. I wanted to say that everything was fine. But it wasn't… I knew that, Gordo knew that, even my mom knew that. My throat had a huge lump in it causing me to choke on my words. Gordo just sat there staring at me waiting for me to break down any second. He wouldn't admit it, but that's what he was waiting for. I wasn't going to break down. I was going to stay cool and calm. The lump in my throat grew bigger and bigger forcing itself to come up. I thought I was strong, but I let everything that was left of me out. At first it was just a simple tear that fell, but then more started flowing down my face. I wrapped my arms around my knees as I looked down at my bed. 

"It's going to be okay." Gordo took my arms and draped them around him. My head lay on his shoulder as I continued to cry. 

"Its not supposed to hurt this way." I was too vague and still crying, but somehow Gordo seemed to understand what I was saying. 

"Whats going on in that mind of yours?" I rose from his shoulder and gaped into his eyes. 

"Gordo, it hurts that I'm so unwanted."

"You're not unwanted. Why would you say that?" Gordo now had a look of confusion on his face.

"Well, that's how I _fee_l. Everyday I wake up wondering who I _really_ am… where I belong, and if there is a purpose for me being on this earth. I feel unloved… I feel like I'm in Lizzie's shadow at the highest."

"Miranda, _I _love you, _Lizzie _loves you, your _family_ loves you. You have always been, and will always _be_ loved _and _wanted. You belong right here… with Lizzie, your family, and me. You're not in anybodies shadow. You're your own person. Its just, you're going through a phase just like Lizzie is." That would have been the most sympathetic thing to say, but for some reason, I didn't believe anything he said. I still felt like I was unloved, unwanted, in Lizzie's shadow, and like I didn't belong. Even though I'm my own person, I knew that nobody at school saw me like that.

Gordo continued to tell me positive things and that everything was going to be okay. " Gordo, I want to believe you when you tell me that it'll be okay…" I paused. "I wanna believe you… but I don't." 

The more words Gordo spoke trying to make me feel better, the more I spilt about everything that was on my mind. The next thing I knew, Gordo and I were lying down on my bed, my head resting on his chest as I cried myself to sleep. 

…(No longer in Miranda's point of view)…

There was a light knock on the door. Gordo gently picked Miranda's head off of his chest and slightly rose off of the bed not trying to wake Miranda. He tiptoed to the door and opened it. 

"Is she okay?" Mrs. Sanchez had her nightclothes on.

"Yeah, she's fine. She's sleeping now." Gordo looked at his watch. "I think I'm going to get going its already past 8:30, close to my curfew. 

"Thank you so much Gordo. She needs someone like you in her life to help her through rough times. Lord knows I couldn't help her." 

Gordo halfway smiled. "No problem, she's my best friend; that's what I'm here for."

………………………………......

A **lot **longer. Good? Bad? Happy? Sad? Confused yet? Plz r&R. 


	9. While You Were Sleeping

****

[A/N]: I'm tired of writing authors notes on every chapter. I'll only write them if it's important. Anyway… I know that this story is supposed to be based on Miranda's point of view, but wouldn't you all like to know whats going on in _Gordo's _mind for once? I thought so.

**__**

-Chapter 8-

After closing the door behind me, I had to lean up against it and take everything in. "Home, sweet home." I sighed trying to relax up against my front door. 

"Hey honey." Out of nowhere, my mom appeared with a laundry basket in her hands. 

"Oh, hey mom." I was about to go upstairs before she started talking again.

"Is that all I get is a hey? Were you at Miranda's this _whole _time?"

"Sorry and yeah."

"Is she okay?" I knew she was going to ask that.

"Yeah, she's fine; she just needed someone to talk to." I once again tried to walk up stairs wanting to get some rest.

"That was very nice of you to help her like you did; that shows how good of a friend you are." I had heard that same thing all of my life, _how good of a friend I was_… they didn't have to tell me, I knew that _every_ time one of my friends was down or needed my help, I would go a great distance to be there for them. '_That's what friends are for' _is what I _always_ said, but for some reason, I didn't this time.

"Yeah, I know. I'll be in my room… asleep." I finally walked up stairs and paused as I touched my doorknob. A sudden thought came to my mind that was so questioning to me that I paused to think about it. It was like I couldn't think and walk at the same time. I shook the thought away and opened my door. A sudden drift of cold air blew out the door; it was so cold in my room for some reason, kind of like Miranda's… but I got used to hers, seeing that I was in there for more than four hours. 

I closed my door taking in the cool air as I walked over to my lamp turning it on… shinning a dim light across the room. I needed to take another deep breath because of everything that was going through my mind. I slowly walked towards my bed unbuttoning my shirt and pulled the white t-shirt I had under it over my head, draping it over the computer chair. Finally I was able to climb into my bed. I felt so tired.

I had a_ really _long day; not just because of Miranda, although most of it was, but other things that were going on made it even longer. While Miranda was asleep my mind was going in every which direction thinking thought after thought, just like my heart pumped faster and faster as she rested on my chest. It's amazing how she did that, even when she was asleep. It's _surprising _how she did that, even though she is _only _my best friend. 

I found my self-thinking differently today. When I realized that Miranda wasn't okay, I felt the need to make sure she felt better and to make sure I was there for her. When she started to open up to me, I wanted to make sure that when she went to sleep, she didn't wake up in the middle of the night and start to think negative. It was like, I wanted to be there for her every second. I wanted to be the one to comfort her, understand her, be there for her; I just had to… I felt like it was my duty.

If we were back at middle school, Lizzie would have been the one that felt like I did and want to comfort her, but if we were back in middle school, she wouldn't be feeling this way in the first place, and Lizzie wouldn't mind comforting her. It _has _been awkward between the three of us… we've all changed, but that's no reason for Miranda to be feeling the way she does. 

When she finally fell asleep, it felt like I had done my job as a best friend. I felt like I accomplished a goal. When she fell asleep, it was around six, when I left, it was close to nine. That meant I stayed there for three hours straight allowing her to use me as a pillow while she was sleeping. I could have left, but something told me to stay… and I'm glad I did.

****

……………………………….......

A little longer. Ya like? Good? Bad? Happy? Sad? Confused yet? Plz review.


	10. Broken Pieces Glued Together

****

[A/N]: Contest winner: devilbabe1215... Congrats. Is anyone reading my story? It seems like I'm writing and I'm the only one reading it. 

****

-Chapter 9-

I'm unprotected

See how I've opened up

Oh, you've made me trust

I woke up to find an indention in my bed where Gordo laid before he left and the scent of his warm body. I woke up because my mind was racing at a thousand thoughts per second… only this time, I wasn't thinking about pessimistic things, yet new subjects that I had never thought about roamed my mind; pleasant subjects.

It's weird how five months of dejection disappeared in less than five hours just by Gordo comforting me. I don't think that I've ever had a better friend than Gordo, one that was so sweet. He got me to open up and trust him; before today, I couldn't do that. 

I began to get tired from all the crying; he noticed and allowed me to rest my head on his chest. As soon as I was in his arms it felt as though a type of warmness was injected into my body; I couldn't explain it, but it felt good.

There was something different about Gordo. While I lie there, I could feel his heart pounding rapidly. I know Gordo, the only time his heart does that _without_ doing any heavy physical movement is when he's scared or nervous. There was no reason for him to be nervous… I hope I didn't scare him. I've put him through so much in the last twenty-four hours. I have no idea _what_ he's feeling.

I didn't stop to thank him before I fell asleep, I was just so glad to be able to have someone beside me and whisper to me _'its going to be okay' _every once and a while, that I forgot. 

Now, my mind was filled with so many sweet thoughts that there was no room for negativity. I realized I had a small smile on my face as I lay there; a real smile, not the fake smirk I had given everyone else. I almost forgot how it felt to smile.

I heard my door crack and snapped out of my daze pretending to be asleep. I felt footsteps come towards me and a blanket cover my shivering body. Telling by her scent as she leaned down and pressed her lips on my cheek assuming I was asleep, it was my mom.

"Miranda, if you only knew how much I love you and that I'm here for you… always." She stood over me for a second then walked out my door leaving me alone once again, but I didn't feel _alone._

It was like my soul exited my body and a new one entered. No, nothing was perfect at the moment in my life, but it felt good to be me.

…………………………….

How am I doing? Is it going okay? Not too fast, not too slow? Please review.


	11. Youre Just Figuring This Out

****

[A/N]: This is one of the chapters that I have altered. At first Lizzie was flirting with Gordo and blah, blah, blah, but in this story I meant for Lizzie to change a little, but not _that_ much. So, yeah.

****

-Chapter 10-

"So, how come you didn't call me yesterday when you got home?" Lizzie looked at Gordo.

"I'm sorry, I was at Miranda's; I didn't get a chance to." Lizzie looked at him strangely. 

"The whole night? What did you do spend the night or something.?" Gordo looked up at her in the eyes.

"Lizzie, she needed my help. I went over there, talked to her, then as soon as she fell asleep, I left." 

"I feel kind of bad that I wasn't able to do that." Lizzie seemed half serious.

"Well, I think Miranda and I relate more now than she does to you." They made a turn walking towards Lizzie's locker. 

"But, we used too be best friends." Lizzie opened her locker and took a few books out, the closed it and headed for Gordo's locker in t he next hall.

"That was before you changed." Lizzie shook her head in denial.

"I didn't change, I'm the same person… I just got a little older and more mature." Gordo looked at her and took a deep breath. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, its just, last year, you were the innocent girl who tried her hardest to become popular but never succeeded because you were too nice.. And a klutz." Gordo couldn't forget about the last part. "And, this year, you're popular. You've made new friends, you even have a boyfriend, and your personality isn't the same as it used to be."

"But, just because I'm popular and have made new friends doesn't mean I don't want Miranda as a friend anymore."

"Well, Lizzie maybe you should tell her that, because obviously she doesn't know." Lizzie stopped in her footsteps and thought for a second as Gordo opened his locker. She shook it off then walked over to where Gordo stood.

"Hey Gordo, do you want to come over later or something?" 

"Um, I can't, I got some stuff to do." He made a quick lie up.

"Okay, maybe some other time then." 

"Yeah, that sounds good. Do you want me to walk you to class?"

"That's alright, I can go to class by myself today." She gave him a smile then walked off.

As Gordo reached at the top of his locker to get his geometry book, he found a small folded up piece of paper that read:

You're a great friend, listener, and great pillow. Thanks for everything.

-Miranda

He smiled at this, and then placed it in his Geometry book.

………………………………...........

I personally think it makes my story a little better. What do you think?


	12. Lunchtime, No Food, & Just The 2 Of Us

****

[A/N]: Quick note, I'm sorry for not updating this story. I have all of my ideas on about 100 different note pads, but I didn't feel the inspiration to write the story when I have a small amount of support. I would really appreciate it if you guys would leave a review or e-mail me and tell me what I'm doing wrong or right so far. It doesn't have to be a good review, it could be a flame. I just need to know I have some readers out there.

****

-Chapter 11-

Miranda sat at a lunch table further from where she usually sat with Lizzie and Gordo. She was in a much better mood now, and she wanted to be alone so that nothing could ruin the moment. Miranda sat there still thinking about the events from the night before. She just couldn't help but to think about every time she lied on Gordo, cried on him, and the moments when she was safe in his arms. 

Wait, why was she thinking about that? That's something a person _doesn't _think about when it's your _best friend _that you're talking about. 

"Hey, I see that you're feeling better by the smile on your face." Miranda snapped out of her daze and looked up to see Gordo. She had not realized that she was smiling and felt a little dumb for doing so.

"Oh, yeah… I'm feeling much better; Thanks." Gordo sat down and placed his books on the table. "Did you get my note?"

"Yeah, I did. Isn't it nice to know that you have someone to drool on?" He slightly laughed and so did she.

"You don't have to worry about that, I don't drool… only half the time." They both laughed once more. "So, why didn't you sit with Lizzie?"

"Because I rather sit by you; Plus, I had to listen to Lizzie talk about things a guy should never know."

"I can only imagine." Miranda was smiling more than often now.

"Yeah… I had to sneak away once she started talking to a cheerleader. And what about you? How come you didn't sit with us?" Miranda scrunched her face up.

"Well… I think that Lizzie and I just don't mix anymore, ya know? I mean I love her to death and everything, but it seems as though we're two different people now. Plus, I'm having a great day thanks to you, and I didn't want to ruin my joy by sitting with Lizzie." 

"Well, that sums it all up." Gordo replied with a tone of sarcasm in his voice. There was a silence before he continued. " Miranda, you know, you keep giving me the credit for your happiness, but the joy you wanted was in you all along… you just needed some help finding it to make everything gooder."

She laughed. "Gooder?"

"Yep..." He gave off one of his goofy smiles. "Hey, I was thinking do you want to do something this weekend? To get your mind off some things."

"Sounds good; Oh wait, I can't go anywhere on Saturday, I told my mom I would go shopping with her." 

"Are you free Friday?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, I know, we could go to Ethan's birthday party."

"That's this Friday? But I though his birthday was _next_ Friday."

"Maybe he forgot his own birthday, I don't know whats going on in his mind."

"Who does?" The bell rang for 7th period. 

"Well, I guess it's a date." Gordo got up from the bench and picked up his books. 

"Yeah, a… a date." Miranda smiled then stopped as Lizzie walked over.

"Gordo, walk me to class?" Lizzie turned away from Gordo and looked at Miranda. "Oh, hey Miranda. Feeling better?" 

"Yeah, I'm great… Thanks for asking." Miranda was trying to be nice, and smiled back at Lizzie in an impractical way. 

"Uhh yeah, Miranda you are you coming?" Gordo had his back against Lizzie as he asked her. 

"Umm, no I'm gonna… you guys just go ahead." He gave her a look of unsure ness. "I'll walk myself."

"Okay, I guess I'll talk to you later." As he said that, he started walking away with Lizzie in front of him, then paused and turned around.

"Hey Miranda, I'm glad I have my best friend back." She smiled at him.

------------------

So what it wasn't all that good… but please review, I need the support. 


	13. All I Know Is That I Know Nothing At All

****

[A/N]: After I finish this story, if enough people like it, I was thinking about making a story that is about BEFORE all of this happened… you know a pre-in my eyes and Lizzie's shadow? Telling you guys what happened when Miranda was in Mexico and Lizzie and Gordo in California. What do you think?

****

-Chapter 12-

"You guys, this sucks. I ask for responsibility, and they give it to me two years later."

"What do you mean?" Gordo and Miranda said in unison.

"I mean, my parents are making me baby-sit Matt this Friday, and if any of you remember, Friday is Ethan's birthday party." Miranda and Gordo stayed quiet on the phone as if Lizzie was going to continue to talk. "_Ethan's _birthday party. Hello? Did you guys hear me?"

"Yeah we did… loud and clear, but uhh Lizzie, why are you worried about _Ethan _in the first place?" Gordo's voice seemed very questioning. 

"Oh believe me, I'm not worried about Ethan, I'm worried about missing one of the _biggest _social events of the year." Lizzie began to sound whiney. 

"For something to make the social event list at our school, it has to involve alcohol, and this party _doesn't_ involve alcohol… so I wouldn't think that you'd be missing out on anything because without some type of alcohol or drug, most likely only freshman will show up." Miranda was giving Lizzie the truth. It was different since they went to High School… the parties had gotten more intense, but for some reason, Ethan's didn't. They were more mature, but not to the point where there was anything illegal going on.

"Why does it matter anyways, I'm not going to be one of those fresh- Matt if you don't get out of my room, I'm going to give you a wedgee so bad that you'll need to unzip your pants to see it! You guys I have to go." After hearing Matt scream MOM in the background, Lizzie's phone hung up.

"Some things never change." Gordo broke the silence. The next couple of minutes there was no sound except for Gordo and Miranda's breathing.

"Do you ever wish things were back to normal?" Miranda popped a question out of nowhere. Gordo jumped at the sound of noise.

"Most of the time, yeah… I do." 

"Some times I find myself looking at old photos or mini movies you used to make with Lizzie and I in it and I start to wonder what it would have been like if nothing would have changed."

"I think we all do that. But changing is a part of life… no matter if its good or bad, it's going to happen, that's just how it goes." 

"I understand that, but the only thing I know about everything changing is that, I know nothing at all. If that makes sense."

"What do you mean? I'm not catching on."

"I mean I know that everything has changed, everything beginning and ending with Lizzie, but when I think back, I realized that I don't know how and why she changed. I mean, when I left for Mexico, she was the same old Lizzie that I've known for the majority of my life, but when I got back… it was like something had happened that I was unaware of that changed everything."

There was a brief pause before Gordo took a deep breath, "Miranda, I have to tell you something. 

"What is it?"

"Just note that the reason I didn't tell you this was because-"

"Miranda, dinner."

"Gordo? I have to go, my moms calling me. Could you tell me later?"

"Uhh, yeah… sure… later."

"Alright, bye."

Gordo hung the phone up with a disappointed look on his face. 'I have to tell her sometime.' he thought.

……………………..

Support people, support…. *sad eyes* Please?


	14. Aurthors Note

****

ATTENTION

Today, I read my story for the first time ever. I know I've written it and everything, but I've never sat down and actually read the whole thing. While I was reading, it amazed me on how I wrote the story; I mean the direction it was going; I didn't put enough time into each chapter so I rushed and it came out poor. To tell you the truth, I never intended for the story to be like this, but its not all that different from what I had in mind.. The only thing that bothered me a lot was the fact that Lizzie was had changed too much. In this story I wanted Lizzie to be a little different from last year, but not a lot like I wrote. So, I have taken the liberty to write a chapter that made Lizzie seem like a stuck up bitch and altered it. Now, I think the story is the way I intended it to be. I hope you like it, and send feedback please. That's all. 

****

Chapters altered:

__

Chapter 10

-The author 


	15. The Thing He'll Never Say

****

[A/N]: If you didn't read the authors note before this chapter, then I will give a quick note on what was said. I read my story for the first time, and realized it sucked because a lot of things just seemed way too unrealistic. I changed chapter 10. I hope you agree upon the decision I made. Tell me in a review.

****

-Chapter 13-

Friday came by quickly. I was now getting ready for Ethan's birthday party that was only fifteen minutes away. I hadn't been feeling good all day, but something told me I had to go to this party. There was a knock at the door. I applied the last coat of my lip-gloss and took a deep breath while looking in my vanity mirror. I stared at my reflection for a while and gave myself a small smile. 

"Come in." I shouted. The door squeaked open and there stood Gordo; wearing something different from what he usually wore…a jacket took the place of his button up. He was different, yet he was the same Gordo from earlier today. He walked closer to where I was. I didn't notice I was starring at him. 

"Umm, hey." He waved his hand to get my attention. I snapped out of my daze. "I knew it, it's the outfit isn't it?"

"No…no, you look, you look great." A weird feeling took over me.

"Thanks, so do you." I found myself looking straight into his eyes. I didn't mean to, but it was like our eyes met intentionally. We stood there for a few seconds not knowing what to do, or what move to make next. But, something told me instantly to blink. 

"Um, I'm jus-just… gonna… get my coat." My eyes were still looking straight into his, but my body was positioning to the coat rack next to my door. I could tell that he was thinking; I didn't know what, but by the look on his face, he seemed confused just like me. Just as my face turned away from his and motion to the coat rack, my mom opened the door.

"Are you guys ready to go?" I stared at her for a moment realizing how much we've grown apart over the last five months. She looked back at me in a weird way then smiled. I turned and faced Gordo, motioning for him to come. As my mom walked out of the door and I was about to follow her, I heard Gordo's voice call my name. I turned my head in his direction leaving my body facing the door.

"Wait, before we go, there's something I need to tell you." I didn't know if this was going to be good or bad. I had forgotten about the night Gordo and I talked on the phone and he mentioned something he needed to tell me right before I had to get off. Mom stretched her head back into my room after she realized we weren't behind her. 

"Are you two coming or what?" 

"Um, yeah. We'll be down in a sec- a minute." I figured by the seriousness on Gordo's face that this _something_ was important and might take longer than a second.

"I'll be waiting in the car." Mom walked down stairs and just as I heard the front door slam, I motioned my body over to Gordo's.

"So, what is it?" I trembled out. I tried to be calm not knowing what was going to come next, but for some reason I had a feeling that this something wasn't going to be all that bad. He starred at me for a moment motioning his hands in a weird way. I could tell he was nerves; this had to be big.

"Miranda, um…" He stopped after those two little words still moving his hands and shaking, just as I did. 

"I'm listening." His hands stopped and rested on his sides. He looked at me in a strange way, then took a deep breath.

"Its good to know… that, um, you're feeling better." I waited for the words I wanted to hear, or something rather than that, but nothing else came. I just smiled at him, and grabbed his hand in a friendly way and pulled him to the door. In a way I was disappointed at his statement because of the fact that I was expecting something else; something I never thought I would want to hear from my best friend; something that could change our friendship forever.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

That's it, for now. How do you like how I changed the story? Is it better this way than the one before? Hmm…


	16. An Unexpected Beginning

****

[A/N]: Just incase you haven't figured it out throughout the story I put part of the lyrics of the song this story is based on in italic. Also, I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone that has given me support throughout this whole story… It's much appreciated.

****

-Chapter 14-

The drive to the party was awkward. Every time I would look over to Gordo, he would look as though he was concentrating on something; when he noticed that I was looking at him, he would look at me, smile, then go back to thinking. I couldn't help to wonder what he was thinking. In the last week, he got to know _me_ a little better as I opened up, but I still was clueless when it came to _Gordo_. 

My eyes kept contemplating on him… I tried to look ahead of me or down or somewhere besides _at_ him, but I couldn't. It was something that attracted me to him. Not as in I liked him, or as he was my best friend, but an attraction that I couldn't explain. The car was filled with silence, as we got closer to Ethan's house. It was dark in the car but every time we would pass a street light I could see Gordo's long curls blowing slightly as the warm air in the Suburban blew across his face.

I noticed that I was crossing my arms around my waist which wasn't a good sign; it either meant I was worried about something or I was nerves; I slowly uncrossed them and placed them on each side of my legs gently. However, on the side where Gordo sat, I felt his hand already resting where I placed mine. I looked down to see my hand on top of his; I glanced over to see him doing the same. I started to slightly lift mine up before he stopped me and placed my hand in his. I glanced over at him and smiled. 

__

Cause I never felt like this before

I'm naked around you

Does it show

And you see right through me and I can't hide

I'm naked around you, and it feels so right

What was happening? Was my hand actually placed in Gordo's? I couldn't stop thinking about my feelings for him as we sat there, hands locked. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Something wasn't right. I wasn't supposed to be holding my best friend's hand like I was. It seemed as though he started to think the same thing because not even five seconds lasted before we both pulled our hands away. 

I rested them in my lap as I took another breath with a thousand things still left in my mind. Something wanted it to last, but another part of me told me this wasn't supposed to be happening.

"Why are you guys so quiet back there? Who died?" My mom broke the silence. Gordo looked over at me. 

"We're just saving all of our energy for the party." He finally spoke. 

"Yeah." I knew that wasn't the real reason why we were quiet, but I agreed anyways. What was the real reason? I never was quiet around him before. I placed my face into my hands and shook my head. Why were all these feelings popping up _now_? Until tonight I never thought about Gordo like this. He tapped me on my thigh in the middle of my thinking.

"What's wrong?" He whispered. I shook my head '_nothing_'.

"Okay guys, we're here. Now where's my tip?" My mom tried to be humorous be failed.

"Thanks Mom." I opened my door and was about to crawl out of the Suburban before my mom stopped me.

"Mija wait. What's going on between you and Gordo?" Gordo was already out of the tuck and was waiting for me.

"What do you mean?" I looked at her strangely in shock; all I could think was maybe she saw us holding hands for the small five seconds.

"Well, you guys were acting strangely. Are you two fighting?" She looked furious, but so clueless.

"No. I gotta go. Remember, Gordo's parents are picking us up." I didn't wait for her to speak; I got out and closed the door. 

I was confused, sick, and tired… yet for some reason, I knew that I was in the right place. 

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I know that I keep leaving off at the wrong moment, but when I wrote the last two chapters, it was like three in the morning.


	17. What Could Have Been, But Never Was

****

[A/N]: A new chapter. Some of you were dying to know what happened at the party.. Well this is it. I hope you like it. I think I had most of you thinking what Gordo wanted to tell Miranda, but it might come to you as a shock. Things aren't always what they seem. : D Any who. Review please and let me know what you think. Feedback is wanted, needed, and craved (sorry Lauren had to use it).

****

-Chapter 15-

As we approached the door to Ethan's house, Miranda's my mom drove off. Miranda walked up to the door stretching her hand out to turn the door handle until I reached my hand out stopping her from opening it. She glanced back at me and gave him an odd look. I couldn't go on any longer without her knowing. For every moment I was around her, it made me realize how big of a mistake I was making by not telling her what I knew she needed to know.

"Miranda-" I started. By the look on her face I could tell she was avoiding this moment, the moment of truth. She didn't even know what I was going to tell her. "About -" Yet, just like the others, she stopped me from talking. 

"Its, its okay." The only thing that ran through my mind was _what if she already knew what I was going to say_; _what if_, she just wasn't ready to hear it. I couldn't take a chance; I had to tell her before anything else happened.

"But, no it's _not_ okay. You see, I should have already told you this; I kept putting it off and putting it off because I didn't know what your reaction would have been. And, I didn't want to take the chance of messing up our friendship." My hands started shaking as I stood there, my heart feeling as though it would burst any second now because of the rapid beating. Miranda seemed confused. Maybe she didn't know what I was about to say. She stood there looking at me; uncertain of what would come next.

"What, what do you mean?" She stuttered out. This was it. No matter how nervous I was, how much I was afraid of what her reply would be, I had to tell her.

"Yo Gor-don, Miranda, the parties in the hizzouse. Why are you guys standing out here? You're missing all the action." Ethan pushed us both into the loud house. I turned around to see Ethan following his own shadow, and Miranda looking at me still puzzled. My chance had buried itself into a black whole. It seemed as though every time I would find the right moment to tell her, something would interrupt. As much as I wanted to pull her to an empty room and explain everything to her, I had a gut feeling that this wasn't the right place to do it.

It wasn't even a few seconds before we lost touch of each other. The house was packed with screaming high school students, who looked much older than freshmen. I squeezed through the crowd searching for Miranda, yet I didn't find her. Ethan's house wasn't all that big, but with over three hundred people in a three bedroom house that had furniture pilled on top of furniture, it was a little more difficult than it seemed. 

Ethan walked up to me from nowhere. "GORD-ON!" He had to be screaming to the top of his lungs, but I barley heard a sound. "Where's Lizzie!?" 

"She couldn't come!" I yelled back, not sure if he heard me. He murmured something. "What?!?" Before he could repeat himself, the crowd pushed him back in the direction away from me. I couldn't take the loud music any longer; I started to walk upstairs before someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to see an unfamiliar face. 

"Hey, your name Gordo?" I started to question in my mind who the person could be.

"Yeah; why?" 

"A girl named Miranda is looking for you. She said if I see you to tell you to go to Ethan's room." 

"Thanks." I did as he said and followed up the stairs and opened the first door I came across. 

"Do you mind, this room is taken." What looked like seniors, were already in the room making out on the bed. I closed the door shut and shook my head. I saw another door that was cracked; I knocked first this time and then opened it. I saw a familiar body bunched up sitting on the floor by the bed; it was Miranda. She looked up and noticed it was me, then smiled. 

"I've been looking for you." She seemed to put her head back down facing the ground. She didn't speak; she just sat there. I walked over to where she was and sat down beside her. The room was still silent. I sat there thinking it was best to stay quiet. A minute passed; two minutes passed; then she spoke.

"Everything seems so surreal; ya know?" I didn't follow what she was saying, but my ears stayed open. "Just last week, I was… I was flooded in all these problems, and feelings that I couldn't control; that I couldn't handle. And now, not even a week later, here I am… better than ever, all because of you." She gave off a slight smile then continued. "Sometimes… sometimes I sit and I think to myself, what if, what if I didn't have someone like you in my life. What if, there wasn't anyone there to help me get through the tough situations, or problems, or even feelings that I've had." Miranda's voice faded off into the air. 

My mind filled with questions, but no answers. This wasn't supposed to be happening. All these feelings I was experiencing wasn't supposed to happen. Yet, it all was. I looked over to see Miranda taking deep breathes while holding her head in pain. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm just a little dizzy; don't worry, I've been feeling like this the whole day. I'll be fine." 

"Why didn't you tell me? We didn't have to come." She took one last breath and looked at me. 

"No, I, I wanted to come. I just need to lie down; I'll be fine." I helped Miranda over to Ethan's bed. She lied down as I pulled a chair up next to the bed. Her eyes drifted around the room, then at me… and then they closed. I watched her every move as she lied there. She suddenly opened her eyes, gazed at me, then scooter over. She patted the bed motioning for me to lie down next to her. 

I looked at her strangely. "Maybe, that's not a good idea." 

"We're best friends; nothings going to happen." She assured me. For the second time she patted the bed. I gave in and lied next to her on the small bed. I positioned myself on my side as she did the same in front of me. I held my head up with my arm looking over her while resting the other over her body. "She's my best friend." I reminded myself after I realized that best friends don't lie in a bed like we were.

"What?" I whispered too loudly to the point where she thought I was talking to her and asked me to repeat myself.

"Nothing." I took a deep breath. Everything so quiet. I didn't pay attention to the music anymore; I just tuned it out. I heard Miranda breathing lightly; my hand motioned up and down every time she would breathe as my hand rested on her waist. 

"Gordo." She whispered.

"Hmm." 

"What were you trying to tell me earlier?" Out of all times, she just so happened to ask me that question now. I had a hard time answering it. She turned over so that her back was facing the bed and her face was facing mine. She looked into my eyes… it made it even harder to answer. I couldn't help but to stare back into hers. It was odd; it was like nothing mattered at the moment; like everything that I was thinking vanished from my mind. As we continued to look at each other, without notice, both of our heads began to lean in. Further, and further. She slightly tilted her head for the perfect fit. The tips of our lips almost touched, but then… that's when it hit me. Before our lips actually touched I pulled away, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

When I opened them, there I saw Miranda… staring at me in puzzlement. "I'm, I'm sorry." I started as I removed my hand from around her waist. "I can't do this."

"Its, its okay. We don't have to." She seemed too sweet and innocent, but so clueless.

"Miranda, you don't understand." I was finally going to tell her at the worst time. "I can't do this because… because… I go out with Lizzie."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Whoa, not including all the author notes, this is the longest chapter yet. 1,437 words. Aren't you proud of me? Anyway. I figured I'll stop right there because I'm too tired to write anymore. No, but on a serious note, I really enjoyed writing this fic. It took me to a whole new level of writing. I appreciate all of the reviews, however… I'm not so sure that I will continue it. No, its not because I don't have enough reviews. I don't really care about the review count.. It's just.. I feel like the stories not going anywhere. Like, I'm not doing my best at writing it. My grammar, characterization, and plot all suck to me. I know I'm a very negative person, but it just seems like a waist of time. Because why spend your time doing something crappy? I don't know.. Maybe I'll change my mind. Who knows?


End file.
